Depression in Children
May 25, 2006
By Laura Kelemen, L.C.S.W.R.
Clinical Director at Wyndham Lawn Home for Children
Many people don’t realize that children, like adults, can have mental health problems. Since May is when we mark Children’s Mental Health Week, it’s a good time to talk about one of the most common mental health problems in children and teens: depression.
The symptoms of depression are varied. Some are obvious: Your child may cry all the time and say he feels sad or hopeless. He may feel lonely or isolated. However, irritability, anger and aggression can also be symptoms of depression, and parents often miss these symptoms.
You might notice social withdrawal in your child. Your teen may not want to hang out with her friends and avoids their phone calls for weeks at a time. She may drop out of sports or clubs. Your child’s attitude toward school might change. An eighth-grader who once enjoyed going to school may stop completing homework assignments. His grades might begin to drop. He might have difficulty concentrating or getting tasks done.
There might be physical symptoms, such as headaches or stomachaches, a general feeling of being sick, or being exhausted. The child may stop eating, or suddenly eat tons more food. His sleeping patterns may be disrupted. He may have trouble falling asleep, then have trouble waking up in the morning. He may wake up often during the night, or he may sleep too much.
When a child is depressed, his musical interests might change, and he may focus on depressing music with darker messages. He may change the way he dresses.
There may be incidents of self harm, such as scratching, burning or cutting, or self tattooing or piercing. The child may talk about death or about killing herself. She may write about death or even write a suicide note, and she may give away possessions. But sometimes dressing in black and self-tattooing are just fashion statements; eating more may be caused by a growth spurt; and extra sleeping, well, teenage behavior, right? How can you tell if there’s really a problem?
First of all, talk to your child. It’s tempting to just leave the situation alone to avoid an argument, but children and teens need their parents. Pick a time when you and your child are both calm. The car is good place—you don’t even have to look at each other, and TV and other interruptions won’t intrude. Ask, “What’s going on?” or “Is something bothering you?” Even if your child doesn’t want to talk just then, it will make him feel good that you asked and showed you were concerned. Plus, it helps to open the lines of communication. Let him know that he can bring his problems to you anytime he’s ready. Talk to your child’s friends, his friends’ parents, his teachers and other relatives to find out whether they have noticed any change in your child’s behavior.
If you get the feeling that your child has a problem, contact your child’s physician or the school social worker or counselor. They can help refer you to appropriate mental health providers. If a child is talking about death or suicide, it’s important that you take it seriously. Ask your child whether she’s just saying she had a bad day or whether she really feels as if she would like to die. If she’s thinking about suicide, ask her how she would do it. It’s hard to imagine having that conversation, but it’s important to know. If your child has intent or a plan or both, it’s important to get immediate help. Call Crisis Services at 285-3515.
Depression in children is real and it can be treated. Sometimes the causes are a trauma or disruption in the child’s life, such as divorce, a death in the family or moving to a new house away from close friends. Sometimes the cause is biological. Treatment can include various kinds of counseling, medication, or some combination of treatments. If your child is diagnosed with depression, it doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent. You can’t always control outside influences, such as what happens in school, and you can’t control the genes she got.
However, there are some things that you can do to decrease your child’s chances of becoming depressed. Talk to your child and make it a habit to eat dinner together. Engage in healthy activities together, such as family outings. Have a routine and structure to your family life. Get to know your child’s friends.
Encourage your child to become involved in sports or clubs. Kids involved in two or three extracurricular activities are less likely to become involved with alcohol or other drugs. Alcohol and drug use can be a symptom of depression. Also, being involved in different activities gives the child a wider circle of friends. If one set of friends starts to go down a negative road, your child has other friends to hang out with.
As parents, we often have a sixth sense when it comes to our children. We know them better than anyone else. If you have a nagging feeling that your child may be depressed or have another mental health problem, trust that sense and ask your child’s physician or school for help.
Laura Kelemen, L.C.S.W.R., is Clinical Director of the residential program at Wyndham Lawn Home for Children, which is a program of New Directions Youth and Services. Other New Directions programs in Niagara County include the Henrietta G. Lewis Campus School, Children’s Mental Health Program, Diagnostic Services and Avenue House Group Home. Children are often referred to these programs through school counselors, schools’ Committees on Special Education, the county Department of Social Services and physicians. For more information, contact Karen Baer, Intake Coordinator, at 433-4487, ext. 403.